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CYCLOPS 


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THE 


AMERICAN   CYCLOPS, 


THE 


3HJE31®    O-P    MffiW    Q&X.B&H8 


AND 


SPOILER  OF  SILVER  SPOONS. 


Dubbed.    LL.  D. 


BY 

- 


BALTIMORE:    KELLY  &  PIET. 

1868. 


Entered  according!  to. -Act  of  Oong'ess,  in  the  year  18GT,  by 

KELLY    &    PI..ET, 

In  the  Clerk's  Office  of  the.'District  Court  of  \be  United  States  for  the 
District  of  Maryland. 


E  following  little  illustrated  effusion  is  offered 
jljjy-jl  to  the  public,  in  the  hope  that  it  may  not  prove 
altogether  uninteresting,  or  entirely  inappropriate  to 
the  times.  The  famous  pre-historic  story  of  Ulysses 
and  Polyphemus  has  received  its  counterpart  in  the 
case  of  two  well-known  personages  of  our  own  age 
and  country.  Ulysses  of  old  contrived,  with  a  burn 
ing  stake,  to  put  out  the  glaring  eye  of  Polyphemus, 
the  man-eating  Cyclops,  and  thereby  to  abridge  his 
power  for  cannibal  indulgence ;  while  our  modern 
Ulysses,  perhaps,  mindful  of  his  classical  prototype,  is 
content  to  leave  the  new  Polyphemus  safely  "bottled- 
up"  under  the  hermetical  seal  of  the  saucy  Rebel 
Beauregard.  Although  the  second  Cyclops  is  yet 


-     - 


4  INTRODUCTORY. 

alive,  and  still  possesses  the  visual  organ  in  a  squint 
ing  degree,  a  regard  for  impartial  history  compels  us 
to  add,  that  the  sword  which  leapt  from  its  scabbard 
in  front  of  Fort  Fisher,  has  fallen  from  the  grasp  of 
the  "bottled''  chieftain,  whether  from  an  invincible 
repugnance  to  warlike  deeds,  like  that  which  pervaded 
the  valiant  soul  of  the  renowned  FalstafT,  or  because 
an  axe  on  the  public  grindstone  is  a  more  congenial 
weapon  in  the  itching  palm  of  a  Knight  of  Spoons, 
has  not  yet  been  determined  with  absolute  precision. 
The  warrior  Ulysses,  like  his  namesake  of  Ithaca, 
however  widely  opinion  may  militate  upon  his  other 
qualifications,  certainly  deserves  the  everlasting  grati 
tude  of  a  spoon-desolated  country  for  the  strategy 
displayed  in  tearing  off  the  plumes  of  the  American 
Polyphemus,  and  fixing  that  precious  flower  of  knight 
hood  among  the  "bottled"  curiosities  of  natural 
history. 


Progressive  age  !  for  contemplation's  eye, 
Thy  checkered  scenes  a  glorious  field    supply ; 
Time  was  when  Mercury  waved  the  potent  wand, 
And  Xature  brightened  in  the  artist's  hand, — 
When  mind's  dominion  round  the  world  was  thrown, 
Before  usurping  Mammon  seized  the  throne. 
Aspiring  genius,  chill  thy  noble  rage. 
For  baser  uses  rule  our  iron  age : 
Drive  the  hard  bargain,  mart  for  sordid  gain. 
And  where  it  will  not  win.  hold  honor  vain ; 


•llr  uiiki's  a  patriot :  |>r<^;.>.  lie  i-  chid 
A.~  Fail.Mall  for  tlio  I'atllc — ravin;.-  mad. 


THE  AMERICAN  CYCLOPS. 

To  lofty  subjects  bring  the  narrow  view, 
Shift  with  each  scene,  and  principle  eschew. 
Are  these  the  elements  of  man's  success  ? 
Go  where  the  busy  throng  all  onward  press: 
Ay,  there  they  nourish  and  will  long  remain, 
Till  virtue  purge  the  haunts  where  vice  doth  reign. 
JNTot  to  the  few  the  moral  taint's  confined, 
But  in  its  boundless  range  infects  mankind ; 
'Twere  idle  to  upbraid  the  good  old  plea- 
Might  governs  all,  the  rest  were  mock'ry. 
The  plumpest  fly  a  sparrow's  meal  provides— 
The  heartless  bird  its  agony  derides : 
"Xay,"  quoth  relentless  Sparrow,  "you  must  die, 
For  you,  weak  thing,  are  not  so  strong  as  I.;'7 
A  Hawk  surprised  him  at  his  dainty  meal, 
In  vain  the  Sparrow  gasped  his  last  appeal ; 


THE  AMERICAN  CYCLOPS.  9 

"Wherefore,  Sir  Hawk,  must  I,  thy  victim,  die?" 
"Peace,77  quoth  the  Hawk,  '•  thou  art  less  strong  than  I." 
Grimly  an  Eagle  viewed  the  state  of  matters, 
Swoops  on  Sir  Hawk,  and  tears  his  flesh  to  tatters  : 
"Release  me,  King,  and  doom  me  not  to  die  ;" 
The  Eagle  said,   "thou  art  less  strong  than  I," 
A  bullet  whistled  at  the  victor's  word, 
And  pierced  the  bosom  of  the  lordly  bird  ; 
"Ah,  tyrant!'7  shrieked  he,  "wherefore  must  I  die?77 
The  Sportsman  said,   "thou  art  less  strong  than  I.77 
And  thus  the  world  to  might  becomes  the  dower, 
While  justice  yields  before  remorseless  power. 


When  distant  ages  rise  to  view  our  times, 
Whate'er  betide  our  sih*'ry  flowing  rhymes, 


THE  AMERICAN  CYCLOPS.  11 

The  brave  we  sing — Boeotian  of  the  East 
Will  still  survive  to  spread  the  mimic  feast. 
7Tis  said  in  fables  that  Silenus  old 
To  Midas  lent  the  fatal  gift  of  gold ; 
But  Terminus,  the  god  of  rogues,  has  giv'n 
Our  hero  gold  unbless'd  of  man  or  heav'n. 
'Mid  all  the  tyrants  of  our  age  and  clime, 
He  stands  alone  in  infamy  and  crime  ; 
Not  e'en  Thersites  of  the  cunning  tribe. 
Gloried  in  guile  like  him  we  now  describe. 
Born  of  a  race  where  thrift,  with  iron  rod. 
Taught  punic  faith  and  mocked  the  laws  of  God ; 
Where  stern  oppression  held  her  impious  reign, 
And  mild  dissent  was  death  with  torturous  pain ; 
His  youth  drank  in  the  lessons  of  his  race. 
Which  stamp'd  their  impress  on  his  hideous  face. 


THE  AMERICAN  CYCLOPS.  13 

Old  England's  bard  with  epic  fire  illum'd 
Tartarean  pits,  where  fiends  with  darkness  gloom'd  : 
But  'mid  th'  infernal  host  this  face  had  shone, 
Grimmest  of  all  'neath  dread  Armageddon. 
The  outward  form  proclaimed  the  inner  man. 
And  frightened  virtue  fled  where  it  began  : 
The  heart,  the  head,  there  devils  might  fear  to  dwell, 
Lest  in  their  depths  there  lurked  a  deeper  hell. 
Does  fiction,  fancy,  gild  the  picture  drawn, 
Hate  cloud  our  judgment,  truth  give  place  to  scorn? 
Go  seek  the  answer  in  the  youth  at  school- 
He  scoffs  at  church  and  laughs  at  human  rule. 
A  beggar,1"  he  plays  his  role  with  brazen  cheek, 
With  equal  ease  insurgent  or  a  "sneak." 

0  He  entered  College  in  Iris  sixteenth  year  as  a  future  candidate  for  the 
ministry.  As  he  was  without  resources,  he  was  compelled  to  do  manual 
work  to  meet  the  expenses  incurred  at  the  Institution.  The  fact  is  creditable. 


THE  AMERICAN  CYCLOPS.  15 

A  theologian,  without  doctor's  chair, 

He  dons  the  gown  t'  escape  the  task  of  prayer. 

'•Heresiarch  recant,  or  leave  the  school:'1 

A  recantation  proved  the  knave  no  fool.::: 

Behold  him  later  in  another  sphere. 

Where  thieves  abound  and  murderers  appear ; 

Tricked  out  in  low  and  meretricious  art, 

He  plays  with  skill  the  pettifogger's  part ; 

Chicanery's  brought  to  succor  darkest  crime, 

Too  basely  foul  t*  expose  in  decent  rhyme. 

Oh !  shades  of  Littleton  and  Murray  rise. 

Where  Webster  trod  and  Choate  all  honor'cl  lies — 


0  Many  instances  are  related  of  his  insubordination  at  school  and  disputes 
with  superiors.  One  of  the  preachers  having  advanced  the  opinion  that 
only  one  in  every  hundred  Christians  would,  perhaps,  be  saved,  our  hero 
drew  up  a  theological  petition  asking  leave  to  vacate  his  seat  in  church, 
very  candidly  regarding  himself  as  among  the  number  that  would  be  lost. 
A  public  reprimand  for  his  smart  irreverence  was  the  only  answer  vouch 
safed  the  unfledged  Doctor. 


•«'\vod  Miigni«U-rV  works  to  !:d< 
he  hooks  n»  mention  <lri^n  !•> 


THE  AMERICAN  CYCLOPS.  IT 

Rise  to  behold  the  satyr  in  their  place, 
Who  points  the  moral  of  his  clime  and  race  ; 
And  if  decay  and  shame  may  wake  thy  grief, 
Weep  for  Xew  England  cursed  by  such  a  chief. 


Oh !  hapless  hour,  when  from  the  stormy  Xorth, 

This  modern  Cyclops  marched  repellent  forth, 

To  slake  his  thirst  for  blood  and  plundered  wealth, 

Xot  as  the  soldier,  but  by  fraud  and  stealth  ; 

To  waft  the  gales  of  death  with  horror  rife 

On  helpless  age,  and  wage  with  women  strife  : 

To  leave  at  Baltimore  and  Xew  Orleans 

The  drunkard's  name,  or  worse,  the  gibbet's  scenes ; 

To  license  lust  with  all  a  lecher's  rage, 

And  stab  the  virtue  of  a  Christian  a«;e  : 


THE  AMERICAN  CYCLOPS.  19 

This  single  crime  will  fix  a  beastly  name, 

Fresh  in  immortal  infamy  and  shame. 

Whence  comes  his  martial  fame,  who  thus  has  soar'd, 

While  thousands  fell  and  deadly  cannon  roar'd  ? 

The  raw  militia  of  his  native  State 

Had  taught  him  war  and  made  our  hero  great. 

A  pot-house  soldier,  he  parades  by  day. 

And  drunk  by  night,  he  sighs  the  foe  to  slay ; 

In  vision  sees  the  future  road  to  fame, 

The  bale-fires  burn  and  cities  wrapped  in  flame  : 

The  gathered  treasure  of  a  teeming  land 

Glitters  and  falls  beneath  his  blood-stained  hand  ; 

Plantations  smiling,  palaces  all  bright, 

Stuff 'd  with  their  wealth  of  plate,  dance  to  his  sight, 

And  drunken  Polyphemus*  grimly  swoons, 

0  Monstrum  et  horrendum,  informe,  ingens,  cui  lumen  ademptum.     Virg. 
yEneid.  lib.  iii. 


THE  AMERICAN  CYCLOPS.  21 

As  heir  expectant  of  unnumbered  spoons.* 
He  wakes  a  patriot  ;  presto,  lie  is  clad 
As  Fallstaff  for  the  battle — raving  mad. 
Lo  !  Baltimore  becomes  the  first  emprise, 
When  Gilmor's  scandal  shock'd  the  men  at  Guy's : 
''To  horse,  to  horse."  our  hero  drunk  exclaims, 
"I'll  crush  rebellion — give  the  town  to  flames." 
The  faithful  groom  the  pawing  steed  attends, 
The  maudlin  Cyclops  all  oblique  ascends ; 
But  ere  the  lambent  flames  consume  the  town, 
The  Cid  unhorsed,  like  Bacchus,  topples  down. 
Old  Juno's  goose  erst  saved  imperial  Rome, 
But  Rebel  whisky  saves  the  Rebels'  home, 
Xext  comes  the  dismal  order — 'tis  from  Scott — 


°  The  people  of  a  captured  city  were  subjected  to  fines  and  levies  and 
open  plunder,  and  in  some  instances  imprisoned  at  hard  labor  with  ball  and 
chain. 


THE  AMERICAN  CYCLOPS.  23 

"Leave  Baltimore."     He  blew  a  warlike  trump, 
And  marched  to  conquest— conquest  of  a  pump ! 
Like  Falstaff,  seeks  repose  and  dreams  of  glory, 
While  Bethel's  thunder  peal'd  another  story ; 
Leaves  gallant  Winthrop  to  his  mournful  fate, 
But  takes  the  field  when  haply  'tis  too  late. 
Wrath  gnaws  his  bowels,  and  with  words  profane, 
He  swore  an  oath,  as  once  the  Queen  of  Spain 
Yowed  the  same  garment  malgre  wear  and  tear, 
Till  Ostend  fell  she  would  forever  wear. 
Our  hero  vowed  Magruder's  works  to  take, 
Whereof  the  books  no  mention  deign  to  make  ; 
For  well  we  know  the  batt'ries  poured  their  thunder, 
While  wise  Sir  Spoons  sought  easier  paths  to  plunder. 
But  lo  Bacche  !     Victory  comes  at  last— 
Our  doughty  chief  in  New  Orleans  is  cast ; 


THE  AMERICAN  CYCLOPS.  25 

The  donkey  stole  the  lion's  skin  and  brayed, 

And  Farragut  our  Cyclop 's  fortune  made. 

Where  are  the  trophies  of  our  Yankee  brave  ? 

The  lecherous  order,  and  poor  Mumford's  grave  : 

Ship  Island's  tortures,  Mrs.  Phillips'  cell. 

For  mercy's  reign  the  cruelty  of  hell  ; 

A  Shylock  brother — a  Praetorian  band— 

A  starving  city  and  a  plundered  land  : 

These  are  his  triumphs — Fisher  was  his  shame,— 

Oh !  triumph  worse  than  is  the  coward's  name. 

'•I'll  blow  Fort  Fisher  'mong  the  region  kites!" 

Oh,  glorious  thought !  but  ere  the  fort  ignites, 

Our  Cyclop's  sailed  away  infirm  of  will,. 

And  saucy  Fisher  flash'd  defiance  still. 

•'  Far  better  I  were  hermetically  seal'd, 

Than  homeward  borne  upon  a  bloody  shield." 


"Hilt  llulll.  rlKHlgli  ;     tin  I'll  Tt  111  •)    \\</!l    pUl'Mle 

Tiio  modern  lla-iuiu.     ••  i:<..Kh-d  '    chief,  adic-u 


THE  AMERICAN  CYCLOPS.  2 

"  Fort  Fisher  be  my  epitaph  !''     'Tis  meet, 

For  long  ago  it  gave  thy  winding  sheet. 

But  hold,  enough  ;  no  further  we'll  pursue 

The  modern  Haynau.     "Bottled"  Chief,  adieu. 

Haply  my  country's  freedom  still  remains, 

And  with  the  night  have  passed  oppression's  chains  : 

Oli,  may  the  storms  which  settle  o'er  our  land 

Be  gently  lifted  by  th'  all-saving  Hand  ; 

The  dove  return  ;  fraternal  discord  cease, 

And  millions  join  the  Jubilee  of  Peace  ! 


/  14  DAY  USE 

RETURN  TO  DESK  FROM  WHICH  BORROWED 

LOAN  DEPT. 

This  book  is  due  on  the  last  date  stamped  below,  or 

on  the  date  to  which  renewed. 
Renewed  books  are  subject  to  immediate  recall. 


MAR  2  01959 


LD  21A-50m-9,'58 
(6889slO)476B 


General  Library 

University  of  California 

Berkeley 


915489 


THE  UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA  LIBRARY 


